Thursday, 6 August 2015

Changing/Keeping your name after marriage!!

I see a lot many girls changing their name after marriage. One of my friends gave me some ten reasons for changing the name after marriage.

According to her changing name should be made compulsory. If not the name, at least, the surname.
"How would anyone be able to connect the kids to the mother just by looking at the name? Yes, so think of the surname as a tag for the family. Someone wants to invite you and your spouse for a party. They can use a common identification tag which is your husband's surname".

True, like most of the Indian girls, I love my husband's surname. But there are many reasons why my husband did not ask me to change my name.

My name is Rashmi Desai. I was named as Purvi after marriage during some rituals. My husband's surname is Bhandary. So I should be called as Purvi Bhandary.

Imagine I go to office after marriage (without legally changing my name), start working, send emails with my name as Purvi. Of course, the company would not allow me to do this, but if it was allowed then the co-workers would be really confused.

I have passed lot of important exams, got degrees with Rashmi Desai as my name. School, college friends, teachers, lecturers all recognise me by name Rashmi Desai. If I call myself Purvi Bhandary on social networking sites, they will wonder who I am. Personally, I love to be called as Mrs Bhandary. But professionally I prefer Rashmi Desai.

The same friend of mine asked me the reason why I changed my profile name from 'Rashmi Desai' to 'Rashmi Desai Bhandary' on social networking sites. I told her for many reasons I do not want to change my name officially as it involves a lot of legal stuff. I got married and now I have another family and that is why the name 'Rashmi Desai Bhandary' on social networking sites. I knew her next question would be your husband also has a new family so why didn't he add your last name to his surname. So I added saying I made this decision because it was right for our situation. Nobody forced me to do so.

He never asked me to change my name like most husbands do. In fact, he asked me not to change my name. 25 years I have been called as 'Rashmi' so it will be quite difficult to respond when I am called by the name 'Purvi'.

Someone told me "you will not feel like a family if your children have your husband's last name which is different from your last name". So what, no mother will stop loving her children just because they have a different last name. Now that I am married and wish to change my last name, my father won't stop loving me. I will still be a part of his Desai family.

I see a lot of girls being called by a different name in their husband's house. First ask her if she likes to be called that way. There would be many who would not like the name or being called by a different name altogether. Do not force them. I like being called as 'purvi'. But if I was named as purv amma' or 'purva bai' (old fashioned names) I would be upset.

For all the women out there, it is time to think and really consider what is so nice about changing the name. There would be many of you who do not like their birth names or do not want it to be as part of your identity because you do not have a good relationship with your parents, then that's perfectly alright to go for a name change.

The reason why I am writing this is to let you know that first and last names are a choice.
Take time to think for yourself. It is your name and you have every right to decide.
Think about it.

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